Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Ugh! I was so anxiety ridden this morning that I totally forgot to drink my 36 oz. of h2o before my ultrasound. Does it really matter all that much anyway??    I arrived on time and, just as suspected, had a 20 minute wait with 3 gorgeous pregnant bellies and a HUGE family waiting for the birth of the newest member (was it really necessary for ultrasound to share a waiting room with "labor & delivery"?).  I tried to keep myself busy texting my sweet husband about my agony- "tons of pregs, can't take it, want to die"- was the jist of it. 

So the tech not only found what looked like retained "tissue" or a blood clot in my uterus but also an "abnormal" right ovary. WOW! LUCKY ME! How in the world do I continue to end up in the <4% chance  category?!  The little hope I had of being healthy, of having a healthy next pregnancy/baby, is really starting to dwindle...the odds are just not in my favor. Of coure on top of receiving this news, my doctor is not in until Monday so I won't know what the plan is until then. I did talk to the NP today who basically just confirmed that there was "something" in my uterus (although she did say my ovaries BOTH look normal) and that I may or may not have to do a D&C or induce me again with meds and that my doc will call Monday. WTF! So tired of this. Can they just scan my entire body and find out everything that might be wrong-then systematically test/treat each area. It would be so much nicer to have all the info at once...rather than this roller coaster ride.

 Oh, and drinking all that water pre-u/s~I asked the tech and she said it doesn't matter so much when you're not pregnant b/c they'll always do an internal too.  I will gladly drink Niagara Falls next time I'm pregnant if it'll help. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry Kristen. I hate the waiting room at the doctor's office too. It is truly the stuff nightmares are made of. As for your odds, I don't know too much about you but the odds are not against you...they aren't even against me and I've lost two now. The odds are in our favor that we will have a take home baby. But I know...you can hear that all the time and it doesn't matter unless its happening NOW. But don't give up! The first few months are the worst.