Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12.

Sunday, October 3, 2010


So, the weekend's been long. I usually really really really look forward to and enjoy the weekends but since we lost the baby the more time J and I have spent together, the more we argue...this weekend was no differen, I'm sad to say. We're trying, really we are but right now we're falling into some bad habits. I think we really do need some independent time to just do what each of us needs withoiut pressure to talk. Especially since most of the 'talking' is about heavy stuff these days, or turns that way quickly.  I also know that I've been more anxious/obsessive about EVERYTHING and that wears on him rather quickly...so I'm really trying to not ask the same question 3 times and just quiet the obsessiveness in my brain. 

I had some good news on Friday, after calling for 2.5 days, I finally got my lab results from my doc.  My hcg was 35! Which was down from 73 the week before! Thanks be to God!!! I'm going in either mon or tues this week to check again, I'm hoping for single digits but, we'll see... Also tested negative for autoimmune and thyroid irregularities. So...right now I'm waiting to get back into a (hopefully) normal cycle again.

On a different but related note...I brought up adoption to J this morning.  He's willing to consider it but not until we go a little further on this journey...I think I'm so nervous about another m/c that I feel like I need to puruse other possibilities at the same time. I've always wanted to adopt in addition to having biological children so why put it off?? 

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