Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Trying to live life without obsessing over TTC

It's been quite a little while since my last post. Basically there isn't much new info. STILL waiting for my betas to hit zero. They are at 3 this week...good but not zero.  I basically feel like the last 6.5 weeks of my life have been completely consumed with betas and when we can ttc again. I had what I think was a period two weeks ago but my OB isn't so sure, since my betas were at 10 then.  I also got a + opk 3 days ago, which I was ELATED by but then no thermal shift, which has pushed me into the pits again :(  So from all that I've read and googled (which is TONS of info, some reputable, some probably not) it seems like I'm likely not ovulating this month. As far as I know that was never a problem before. We weren't actively ttc when I got pregnant last so although I monitored my bbt's, etc. it was always half-assed. Now I'm a NUT about monitoring every single sign and symptom and J thinks I've nearly lost my mind! I agree! But I'm gonna keep it up. I want to get to know my body more than ever now. I'm just praying I'm not going to encounter any problems with ovulation, etc. I'm praying this month is a fluke-still recovering from the m/c and maybe affected by my betas not being at zero yet (but hopefully they will be soon).

Anywho, I do have moments of sanity, they are moments mind you.  Most of my thoughts are still about babies and getting my body in order. I live for my 4pm OPK and my 7am BBT...who woulda ever thought??! What a strange and mysterious world I've entered. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. That God has a bigger plan for me and that I will be a momma to a living baby someday. If I didn't keep that hope and it didn't propel me forward, well I don't know where I'd be.


  1. I just wanted to let you know I read your story on Faces of loss, Faces of Hope. I am SO sorry for your loss. I sadly have lost both my children to missed miscarriages.
    You are the first story I have read that was in the WNY area. So HI from your corner of the world :) Hope your betas are going well and you can TTC soon... **postive thoughts and hugs to you!**

  2. I apparently can't spell I meant POSITIVE! lol